A couple of years ago, my left ankle literally fell off my foot, and I was in agony for months. Casting didn't help, Medicine didn't help. Nothing helped. I would have done literally anything to be out of pain. I did. I allowed a doctor to prescribe for me a synthetic opiate. I was pain free within a matter of days. For two years I withdrew more and more from my family and friends, enjoying being out of pain. Suddenly it was not good any more. It had become A Bad Thing.

A few weeks ago, I got a Cortisone shot in the painful ankle. About a week later, much of the pain in my ankle was gone, leaving me still taking, and dependent upon, that synthetic opiate. Four weeks ago, I titrated very carefully down, under my doctor's supervision, and now I have been without the medicine for two and a half weeks.

I'm having some unpleasant physical effects as my body gets accustomed to functioning again. This is to be expected, I am told, and may continue for some time.

I feel like I am getting my life back. I've been crying for the past ten days. My GI system is involved. My pain is still chronic, still severe, and my body, of course is still craving the medicine. I never thought it could happen to me, because I was so opposed to the idea of opiates my whole life. I am still opposed to them. I made an error in judgment, and it is costing me a lot of grief.

During those two years, one of my best friends died, and my younger sister died. I'm getting all those feelings of grief anew, in my right mind. The feelings are overwhelming. I'm still under doctor's care, and getting counseling about drug dependence for disabled individuals.

Pain is insidious. It can be overwhelming, and the desire to be out of pain is very tempting. Don't make the mistake I did. This is exceptionally no fun. Those of you who pray, please pray for me. The rest of you are requested to send out good thoughts to the universe on my behalf. Be back when I can.